The Three Main Messages

Use this exercise to further brainstorm about who is responsible for the violence, and how to start talking about safety.

1. Violence is not your fault.
   It is never the fault of children and youth if they feel unsafe when experiencing domestic violence.
   Ask the class: Who is responsible for violence?
2. You are not alone.
   Discuss with the class: children and youth often feel along with there is fighting at home, and the violence may be scary. Explain that part of the reason the VIP Program is here today is to emphasize that they are not alone and to talk about safety.
3. There are people who can help.
   Discuss with the class: Who are the safe adults in their lives? What is the safe thing to do when there is domestic violence? Brainstorm safe options, such as contacting a safe adult.

Have the class repeat the three main messages with you and explain that you are now going to spend a few minutes brainstorming about how to stay safe.

With students in grades 7-9, we can explain that sometimes we might also be around other youth who are not being safe. You can ask what this might look like in the classroom, on the playground, in their neighbourhoods or online.

“One thing we will create today is a safety plan. Safety plans can help us remember what to do if we find ourselves in a situation at home or at school where we do not feel safe.”

Dialogue to Introduce the Video

“We are talking about violence in relationships today. Many people get into their first romantic relationship in their teen years. Romantic relationships can be fun, supportive and meaningful. Students like yourself may also have negative, hurtful and violent experiences in their romantic relationships.”

“Today we are going to be watching a short video, Don’t Confuse Love and Abuse. This video depicts the difference between love and abuse and the specific ways this may look in a real-life relationship. Please pay attention to the behaviours and feelings of the two main characters who are in a relationship. This video illustrates a couple in a romantic relationship. Notice the behaviours and think about whether or not the actions of the characters are healthy or unhealthy while you are watching. We will have an opportunity to discuss the video afterwards.”

Watch & Discuss Videos

• DayOneNY. (February 9, 2018). Sunshine – Don’t Confuse Love and Abuse
  A three-minute animation that demonstrates some of the common ways a teenage relationship can be abusive.
• WellCast (April 23, 2013). How to Leave an Abusive Relationship
  This five-minute video articulates the various warnings signs that a relationship could be abusive and gives young people tools to help them leave an abusive relationship safely.

Next, facilitate a class discussion using the following questions:

• What were the main messages in the video?
• What are some strategies you can use to keep yourself safe?
• Did you see any abusive or violent behaviour in the video?
• Can we brainstorm the types of violence and abuse that can occur in a relationship? Such as physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, technology-facilitated gender-based violence, etc.
• What were the main messages in the video? • What are some strategies you can use to keep yourself safe?
• Did you see any abusive or violent behaviour in the video?
• Can we brainstorm the types of violence and abuse that can occur in a relationship? Such as physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, technology-facilitated gender-based violence, etc.

Define abuse. You can share the definitions below with the class after the group brainstorm to provide students with examples of some types of abuse. Highlight that the examples are not comprehensive, and that abuse comes in many other forms.

• Physical: hitting, slapping, choking, kicking, grabbing, pulling hair, pushing and shoving
• Emotional and Verbal: name calling, putting you down, embarrassing you in public (online or offline), threatening you in any way, telling you what to do or what to wear, threatening to harm themselves, accusing you of cheating.
• Sexual: pressuring or forcing you to do anything sexual that you are not comfortable with and or do not consent to, including sexting, restricting access to birth control, and unwanted kissing or touching.
• Financial: demanding access to your money, preventing you from working, insisting that if they pay for you, you owe them something in return.
• Digital: sending threats via text message, social media or email, stalking or embarrassing you on social media, hacking your social media or email accounts without your permission, forcing you to share passwords, constantly calling or texting to check up on you, frequently looking through your phone, or monitoring your online activity.

Activity – Brainstorming

Direct the class in a brainstorming session about how to stay safe in abusive or violent situations. This activity can be done in small groups or as a whole class.

Questions you might ask the group are:

• What is safety? (physical, emotional, mental, social, sexual)
• What are some ways you know that you are not safe?
• What are the cues your body gives you when you don’t feel safe?
• What are some things you already do to stay safe?

You could ask students to write out their individual safety plans, one for at home, one for at school and one for online. Use the Safety Planning worksheet to assist with this conversation, and if appropriate, provide a copy of the handout to review and discuss.

It is important to share with children and youth that safety planning is ongoing. We may feel safe most of the time, but it is important to understand and recognize when we do not feel safe, and have a plan to
stay safe.

An age-appropriate description of the Kids Help Phone can also be useful here. Kids Kids Help Phone is Canada’s only national 24-hour, bilingual and anonymous phone counselling, web counselling and referral service for children and youth. You can reach a counsellor by calling 1-800-668-6868 or texting the number 686868. You may wish to write these numbers on the board or flip chart paper for students or provide it to the school staff if they do not have the phone number.

Activity – Anonymous Question or Comment

Provide all students with a blank piece of paper and a pen. Request that each student take the tie to write something on the paper related to the presentation. They can write a comment about something that was interesting or a question about something they might be wondering about. Be clear that these comments and questions are totally anonymous and request that no real names are used. If they have a question about a scenario, they can use pseudonyms.

This part of the presentation can be a powerful tool for seeing what is relevant for the classroom you are presenting to. Let students know that you will begin your next session by addressing themes and questions which emerge through their anonymous comments and questions.

Closing

Thank the students and communicate clearly with the students about when you will return. Give students a way to contact you and encourage them to reach out if they have any questions or concerns about the presentation. Let the class know what information you will be sending home with them, such as VIP post cards, VIP wallet cards, agency brochure, PEACE Program brochure, and any other additional resources. This may vary for each VIP site.