DAY 3: CYCLE OF ABUSE & CONSENT

Length of Session: 40 – 60 minutes

What you need for this Presentation

VIP slide set, flip chart, markers, laptop, projector, speakers, Wi-Fi.

Introductions

Take a few minutes to remind the class who you are, where you are from and why you are returning to their classroom. Let them know that this will be your last time visiting their classroom

• Acknowledge the traditional territory you are on.
• Lead the class to remember what the VIP class “agreement” or “guidelines” from Day 1 are to help make the classroom a safe space for VIP work. Review the previous list together on the board, or flip chart and add to it if necessary. Post it so it is visible throughout the presentation.
• Let the class know what to expect and remind them how many times you will be returning if there are more presentations at a future date.
• Briefly review the topics you have addressed before and take time for any relevant additional housekeeping matters such as, one person speaking at a time, raising hands for questions and comments, self-care.
• These topics can be upsetting to think about and discuss. Remind students to take of themselves, and that you will be available after every session if anyone needs support or has questions.

Dialogue to Introduce the Presentation

“Today we are going to talk about the cycle of abuse and consent in intimate relationships. This topic can be upsetting for those in the room who have experienced violence or abuse at home or in a relationship. I want all of you to please take care of yourselves as the content covered in these presentations can be upsetting. I will be available at anytime if needed.”

“While every relationship is different, it is important to be able to identify similar patterns that may emerge in unhealthy relationships. Today we will be learning about the cycle of abuse as well as consent as we continue to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy relationships.”

Activity – Watch & Discuss Videos

• CalState. (May 20, 2016). Cycle of Violence

  This video explains the phases many abusive relationships go through. It is worth acknowledging that not all abusive relationships will follow this cycle, however, most abusive relationships have some
  resemblance to the cyclical nature described in this video.

Take the time to ask students if they have any questions and review the different stages of the cycle of abuse through definitions and examples. It can be helpful to draw the cycle on the board and review or brainstorm some different examples of each stage of the cycle.

Activity – Group Discussion: How to Leave an Abusive Relationship

Recall the safety plans for home and school that you created and discussed in the first presentation and refer to the Safety Planning tips provided in Appendix A. When a teenager is in an abusive relationship, they are more likely to tell their peers than their parents or trusted adults about the abuse. Let students know that if their friend opens up to them about being in an abusive relationship, encourage them to create a safety plan that includes a trusted adult.

Let students know that if they are concerned for their safety that it is important they discuss their plan for leaving the relationship with someone they trust, and that a person they trust accompanies them when they go to end the relationship.

Activity – Watch & Discuss Videos

Watch one, or both, of the videos below.

• Planned Parenthood. (September 15, 2015) When Someone doesn’t want to have sex: What is Consent?
• Neil Hilborn and Ollie Schminkey (September 2, 2013). One Colour

A powerful spoken word poem demonstrating the subtleties of consent and highlighting the truth that most sexual violence happens with people we are in relationship with. The focus is on prevention and asking, “how can we teach this better?”

Activity – Small Group Discussion

Break into small groups and spend some time discussing the questions below. You may consider taking time for some questions and dialogue between the videos.

• What does consent look like? What are some situations where consent is grey and unclear?
• What stands out for you in this spoken word poem? How can we teach consent and prevention more effectively?
• Have you talked about consent with your parents?
• What aspects of consent do you think could be shared differently? What elements of consent are still not being addressed in youth culture? What does this look like and how can we continue to teach this issue more completely?

Invite the class to be creative. As presenters, acknowledge that the issue of consent has changed significantly in the last decade as it used to emphasize the saying of “No” when you didn’t consent to something. Now, it is expected by law that we verbally hear the word “Yes,” to indicate consent. You can even bring in some recent news articles on the topic of consent or the #Metoo movement if that feels relevant for you and the class. Consent means giving someone a choice about touch or actions and respecting their answer. Some facilitators use the language “asking for permission.” It is important to discuss how to set boundaries and make decisions about their own bodies, how to ask for permission, and respond appropriately when someone says no to them.

VIP presenters can familiarize themselves with the BELIEVE Curriculum to find more tools to support youth to engage and converse about consent within the classroom.

Closing

Thank them again for being a wonderful class. Acknowledge that you have now spent close to three hours discussing topics that are incredibly important for being safe and happy long term in our lives. Remind them that sometimes topics like the ones we discussed today can make us sensitive and uncomfortable, however, remind them that abusive relationships are common and taking the time to self-reflect about what we want and need to be safe and happy in our relationships is important.

Please remind students of your contact information and what information you will be sending home with them, such as VIP post cards, VIP wallet cards, agency brochure, PEACE Program brochure, and any other additional resources. These may vary for each VIP site.

If you are returning for another presentation, let the class know when you will be back.